Watford FC 0- AFC Bournemouth - 06/10/2018

Discussion in 'Match Day' started by Clive_ofthe_Kremlin, Oct 4, 2018.

  1. Clive_ofthe_Kremlin

    Clive_ofthe_Kremlin Squad Player

    A huge Watford welcome to our opponents; AFC Bournemouth.

    I shall be missing this one as I shall be dancing the mambo at a fiesta. People say to me, ah Clive, it must be a marvellous life, always with women and in fiestas. Nobody appreciates the very havoc it plays with your football supporting. Anyway, on with the preview:-

    Phweep! Penalty! Ha ha. No only joking. Ha ha. But there have been a few though, haven't there? Did I read four out of four "won" in the last four home games? One a game. That's a fair head start against anybody, that, isn't it. 1-0 before you even get started. How careless of Bournemouth's opponents to have given away so many penalties.

    Here they come; the dreaded Muff. The over-staying guest at the Premiership party. The league's lingering fart. Have they still not got relegated? Well it must be this season, surely...

    The final non-Bournemouth supporting person with a general interest in football, keeled over and died, a cobweb-covered skeleton crumbling to dust from boredom from having to listen to gallant feats of South Coast derring do and gung-ho valiant pluckiness. We've heard enough of it. Time's up. Come in number nine. Enough.

    And all in front of an even gallant-er 12,000 crowd.

    Made up, in the greater part, of grossly overweight screeching guest house landladies, operators of shabby fairground rides, beach metal detecting oddballs, caravaners, tinkers, those men who screw the coconuts into the cups at the coconut shy so you stand no chance of winning and all, of course, liberally laced with lashings and lashings of slightly-batty pensioners who are vaguely aware they used to like football and so should go and watch it for something to do and who are only dimly aware of whether the game's started or not.

    Back to the third division with you! Away with you. Back where you came from. Go and bother Forest Green Rovers or someone like that. Let the proper teams get on with the football. We're fed up, we're bored with your huffing and puffing Anguses and Petes and Callums. Seen enough of 'em. It's all got a bit stale. Old hat. Boring. Go and be Valiant bloody Rovers somewhere else.

    Bournemouth as a Town

    I have had the unhappy experience of visiting Bournemouth on several occasions. And I have come away many, many pounds lighter. Pounds in weight, because it costs too much to eat there and pounds in money because it doesn't matter if you eat or not, these people will have it off you. Money hungry doesn't do it. They crave money. It's a zombie attraction for them.

    Despite my own hard-bitten wiliness in ensuring that every penny is a prisoner, the people of Bournemouth are shameless, barefaced Olympic champions of extracting coin from every unfortunate visitor who is foolish enough to innocently visit. The poor innocents. For a long time you'll repent your innocent foolishness. Going to Bournemouth full of illusions. Soon you'll get educated.

    Thinking it'll be a nice, happy seaside place. All buckets and spades and smiles. That's the biggest shame, is how innocent they go in. "I know, I'll budget £30 for the day" they think. Ha! Bournemouth has plans for you that are many, many times magnitude of your foolish £30. They spit on your £30. £30 barely buys you 2 hours parking on the seafront in Bournemouth. £30 is a plate of soggy chips in one of their dilapidated, melancholy hotels. £30 is whisked away from you so quickly it'll make your head spin.

    It's all efficiently organised. From eye-wateringly expensive donkey rides on the beach for shocked children and aghast parents, to shabby backstreet gentleman's clubs - your creeping, hand-wringing Muffer will be there. Taking the money. In his black and red striped shirt and fingerless gloves.

    I've been on the donkey rides too. What a rip! £20. And what a kicking aninal!

    And then, get this, they have the effrontery to write to the local paper and complain about the seagulls! Because they are thieves! Ha! If the seagulls had a wallet with a couple of banknotes in it, yer Muffers would be fighting one another whilst hastily tying on their fairground pockets-aprons as fast as they could and grinning cheesily, whilst thrusting ambitiously-priced tatty wares at you and clawing at the poor gull's feathers

    If you, dear reader, should ever decide, for reasons of foolish youthful bravado or accidentally stumbling on the place, then I would urge you to head this critical advice. I myself, as mentioned above, have been on several occasions. My grandmother and my brothers begged me not to, but you know that I can sometimes be obstinate. I went. And I received poor treatment. I suffered more than poor, victimised, tragic Zaha. Imagine that if you will.

    First you have to run the gauntlet of the CopperMuffs. The Babylonians of the Babylonians. Stretching every interpretation of the law to its ultimate Waiting to pounce. Tucked and hidden away in purpose-built hides. Don't be more than two adult males in the car. Don't be black when driving. Don't have a car that is more than five years old. Don't be Familia Kremlin in a Wartburg. Legal minimum-sized speed restriction signs are buried deep in the roadside foliage. Road markings are conveniently almost worn away. If you're over the limit - on speed, tyre treads or melanin - they're on your tail. You haven't even arrived yet and already your wallet is not as spongy as once it was. Already your buckets and spades mood is not what it was when you started out.

    But, fellow hornets and hornettas, I must confess that the reason for me visiting Bournemouth was not from innocent curiosity or a perverse desire to see just how much money it's possible to have loosened from your grasp in a single day. No. It was the smell of fish. I was young and foolish. It was a dalliance. She was loose, over-extravagant, a scolder. Typical of the fishwife type you find down there, I know now. Of the sort that made me say afterwards, Clive, single you should remain. Anyway, I was very, very drunk.

    I was young and easy meat for her. I was like a little bon-bon that had never been sucked. She was a widow and she almost took me to the graveyard too. I was almost ruined and with a very difficult situation. The clothes, only one change. No money. And I thought, don't be a fool Clive, find yourself a nice widow with some independence in the bank. And where better to look than in Bournemouth! Home of the senile.

    I went to the disco and found one. Big titty. Nice legs. And with buttocks that danced liked Pererya through a defence. I thought now it's your turn Clive. So I grabbed my WFC beenie hat and made sure it was very well put on, went over and said to her: "Madam. At your feet. I'm here only to contemplate your beauty, but if my presence makes you uncomfortable, then I shall leave immediately, even though the night is very dark". Well after a little more drinking, we went back to her guest house and she threw open the door and said "Clive, this house is yours!"

    Well. There I was in this stuffy guest house room. Exploring the mound of Venus covered with soft silks, whilst her her legs loosened up. And she was whispering in my ear: "Ay Clive I am your widow!"

    But then suddenly she screamed. I left the bed at a leap. Alarmed. Shocked. All the hairs on my body stood up on end and went crispy.

    What I had stuck it up was not the Muff. I fully expect Troy Deeney to repeat my exploits on Saturday.

    3-0 to us.
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2018
  2. Johnny Todd Sings

    Johnny Todd Sings Academy Graduate

    We learn too much, Clive.

    One summer, some years ago, seagull deaths increased dramatically in Bournemouth. It had been a poor summer and, at first, the science brigade thought it was something to do with the bad weather reducing the quantity of fish that seagulls normally eat. However fish numbers were at their usual levels. It turned out that the gulls had forgotten how to fish. Instead they lived off whatever the visitors left. Because the weather was poor the fewer number of visitors ate inside, thereby denying the local avian population their food.
    There is a metaphor in there somewhere, but I can't see it.

    Repeat please, even if McGugan has to score.
    Supertommymooney likes this.
  3. Sahorn

    Sahorn Reservist

    £20 for a donkey ride?
    Are you not confusing the donkey and landlady rides Clive?
    A donkey and a stick of rock used to be only £3.50 I remember. That’s inflation for you!

    Was it really SIX years ago that 6-1 scoreline?
    The plucky underdog southerners with the clean cut 100% English future England manager, the media darlings now of the premier league underlings, playing football, as Zola graciously opined, ‘the right way’.

    And the media’s ‘We can only have one plucky underling team to write about and Bournemouth is a pleasant place to visit and we can always pop into Sandbanks millionaire s row and get a quote from ‘our ‘Arry’ s’ viewpoint is markedly juxtaposed to the column inches of
    - WFC is just the cheating foreign loanee, foreign manager rotating, long ball, all that’s wrong with English football, ugly premier league usurpers in a dump of a town who should be back playing L***n in the third tier where they both belong.

    Ah, the reality.
    The crowding and pressurising of the poor men in black at every ‘he touched me ref so I had to go down’ penalty appeal, or ‘show him a red ref he mistimed that tackle’ - it’s an art form which the muff divers have perfected over the years.

    The plucky quaint south coast team punching above their weight with honest English players - with the reality of actually being bankrolled by dodgy Russian (some say money laundering) oligarchs spending mega wonga and flouting FFP rules.

    Palarse, Everton and Muff, the 3 teams we need to do the double over.

    3-1 Watford.
    Glenhorn and Ray Knight like this.
  4. WillisWasTheWorst

    WillisWasTheWorst Reservist

    So much happens in the early hours. Well done all!
  5. SkylaRose

    SkylaRose Reservist

    After playing well in all of our previous games and getting just the one point to show fir it due to dodgy refereeing and top six favourite lucky goals against us, I’m really hoping we can get back on track.

    It’s a good game to go into the break with, and three points will sit nice for two weeks before we all go up north to the Wolves den. Plus, it will keep us in the top six a bit longer.

    Deeney usually scores against muff and he’s itching to get his penalty against them with his broken toes. Gray is still scoring (who would if said that?), and the feel good factor is still buzzing (pun intended).

    Oh, wait we always draw.

  6. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    I'm a bit worried as Mrs Moog is away this weekend so I've got the kids but I'm worried about taking them to this one.

    Might be safer to watch from afar. I've never been to a derby.
  7. Cassetti's Beard

    Cassetti's Beard First Team

    Are they still obsessed with us? It's a bit like when you break up with someone and they continue to pine over you for the rest of their life. Hopefully in the next year or two the PL put through a rule that clubs with no history and stadiums that are barely good enough for League 2 are booted from the League, I'm sure it'll be met with celebrations across the PL to never have to play those Portsmouth wannabes.

    Should absolutely trounce this League 2 bunch.

    Watford 4-0 Bournemouth
    Supertommymooney likes this.
  8. Diamond

    Diamond Squad Player

    The match previews continue to impress. You're finding your feet with these now Clive.
    Happy bunny likes this.
  9. hornetboy1

    hornetboy1 First Team

  10. PhilippineOrn

    PhilippineOrn First Team

    We are unbeaten against them in the PL. Can't see that changing this time around. Or anytime for that matter.
  11. Ágætis Byrjun

    Ágætis Byrjun First Year Pro

    The fact that Bournemouth can lose 4-0 to the basement team and still be on the same points as us annoys me somewhat. We should be watching videos of that Burnley game over and over. Do the basics right and we'll win.
  12. carboy98

    carboy98 First Year Pro

    My word, what a preview. What a journey.

    I always look forward to the Tinpot Derby. There is a special atmosphere, a special electricity to these games between such historic and bitter rivals.

    There is no better feeling in this world - none - than when one of our glorious hornet heroes wallops a stonker past the flailing arms of a Bournemouth goalie.

    No worse feeling than seeing the cheeky glint in the eye of a compromised referee as he blows the whistle for a questionable penalty against us.

    The lads will need no motivational masterclass from Javi for this one. They will be champing at the bit. Champing.

    2-0 to our boys. Our brave, brave boys.

    Chumlax and Happy bunny like this.
  13. Johnny Todd Sings

    Johnny Todd Sings Academy Graduate

  14. miked2006

    miked2006 Premiership Prediction League Proprietor

    Not sure how this one will go.

    Bournemouth will cheat their was to a customary penalty. The only question is how.

    I'm going for Wilson, running 7 yards outside the post straight into touch, to flick his leg across our defender and look like he was tripped.
  15. The undeniable truth

    The undeniable truth Squad Player

    Just imagine the fuss if golden dream boy manages to get his team into the top 4. Please don't lose this one boys....
  16. Otter

    Otter Gambling industry insider

    Jon Moss is old and slow and cannot keep pace unlike most other refs. He will see a Muff dive from 50 yards away and react to the players' protests and give a penalty no matter what.
  17. Horace_goes_up_north

    Horace_goes_up_north First Year Pro

    Bournemouth - "The premier leagues lingering fart!" Quote of the year!
  18. wfc4ever

    wfc4ever First Team Captain

    Take our chances.

    Basically Burnley had 4 shots and scored 4 whilst Bournemouth had more but couldn't score .

    Let's hope none of our players are as silly as the Palace guy last week - afterall his elbow just invited Lema to go down!
  19. UEA_Hornet

    UEA_Hornet First Team Captain

    They'll be going some to beat last year's effort. Hypnotising Holebas so he inexplicably handles the ball in the box as it's going out of play.
    HappyHornet24, miked2006 and wfc4ever like this.
  20. simpleMASH

    simpleMASH Reservist

    I hate them.
  21. kVA

    kVA Reservist

    My dislike of Bournemouth has worn right off this season. Is this wrong of me?
  22. Steve Leo Beleck

    Steve Leo Beleck Squad Player

    This is my favourite section of that blog, apparently Bournemouth only get so many penalties because their attackers are so amazing.

    The fact that AFCB get so many penalties is of course a real annoyance to opposition teams, but it reflects the attacking players that Bournemouth have and how difficult they are to stop when they get in the box. The art of good defending seems to go out of the window when defenders see Bournemouth players running at them.

    Anyway, I fully expect my least favourite Premier League player, the snivelling, cheating weasel that is Adam Smith to get a pen at some point during this game. Not because he's such an amazing player, but because he's a cheating ****.
    sydney_horn, Chumlax and wimbornet like this.
  23. Burnsy

    Burnsy Squad Player

    Whatever the score line, whatever the circumstances, I know we will all be grateful for one thing come 3pm tomorrow.

    Thank god that utter **** Harry Arter isn’t playing.

    2-0. Chasing the Champions League spots again heading into the break.
    Sort of OK and hornetboy1 like this.
  24. Cassetti's Beard

    Cassetti's Beard First Team

    I see the latest statement from their tinpot club is that they can't afford to build a new stadium
  25. hornetboy1

    hornetboy1 First Team

    Be fair......have you seen the price of Lego??
  26. hornetboy1

    hornetboy1 First Team

    I see Merson has suddenly changed his tune.

    "I like Watford as a side. I think they are very, very underrated at the highest level. I think they are the most underrated team in the Premier League. They caused Arsenal major problems last weekend and how they didn't get anything out of the game, I'll never know."

    We are underrated because pundits like him keep spouting crap. We had to play well at his precious Arsenal before the penny finally dropped.
  27. The undeniable truth

    The undeniable truth Squad Player

    Oh ****. No clearer sign that the slide is well and truly underway.
    BudaHorn and Mary compton like this.
  28. lutonh8a

    lutonh8a Reservist

    This is why we should be happy that we have owners like the Pozzo family. Bournemouths owners seem to have shown a lack of ambition to grow the club in the long run, it's the best possible time for them to grow their reasonably small fan base, but their owners simply don't want to invest. I would be concerned if I was a Bournemouth fan they seem to be premier league standard on the pitch but league two at best off the pitch, they have been fortunate enough to have a top quality manager but without the facilities that were promised he could well be off soon, I personally struggle to see how Eddie can take AFC Bournemouth any further.
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2018
    Supertommymooney likes this.
  29. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

  30. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    Can we check how you are feeling at 5pm on Sat?
  31. wfc4ever

    wfc4ever First Team Captain

    Having read their forum over the past season or so there are quite a few complaints about how poorly the club is run off the pitch in terms of marketing and ticketing.

    One of them pretty much described as you have - Premier league on the pitch but lower league off it.
  32. Burnsy

    Burnsy Squad Player

    Can I ask what you base that on?

    Far be it for me to back Bournemouth up on this, but I remember going to ‘Dean Court’ in their 1st season back in the Championship and then again to the ‘Vitality Stadium’ last season. Was very apparent to me that they had given their stadium a facelift and done the most with what they had - much the same as we have with The Vic. It’s actually a fact that Bournemouth’s current landlords won’t allow them to make their current ground any bigger than it previously is or buy it from them, hence why they are having to look at moving against their wishes.

    I’d find it strange how their Russian financial backer will happily fund signings of £20m+ each season but can’t afford to build a new stadium. From everything I’ve seen it’s the current owners of the ground who are making life difficult. The news today just reads that they are investing within their means, and that means further solidifying themselves on the pitch and then building the new stadium.

    I expect we would do exactly the same. I don’t think Bournemouth are in any way different to us financially, we just have a better deal with our current ground than them.
  33. hornetboy1

    hornetboy1 First Team

    Great press conference from Gracia. He said "Watford are the best team, not just best of the rest, but the best team in the league."
    Ybotcoombes likes this.
  34. kVA

    kVA Reservist

    You’ll be able to gauge exactly how I feel by my posts.

    If we win I’ll be straight on here gloating and calling them a clay-pot club (not your fine-glazed type or even one that’s been anywhere near a kiln). If we lose I’ll be be crowing like the rest of you about some cheat, dive or refereeing decision that has gone against us.

    If we really have been playing as well as the shoutboxers and streamers say we have, then I predict we’re due a record win for us in the Premier and Muff might just be the team to provide it.

    Today my prediction is:
    Watford 4-bornmuff 0

    It may be different tomorrow.
  35. Horace_goes_up_north

    Horace_goes_up_north First Year Pro

    If I come all the way back just for them to give us a pasting, they will become my bitter enemy and I will have my revenge in this life or the next.

    I'll also expect a petrol refund if Javi makes his subs too late!

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