Things you hate IV

We are now looking after my 2ys 9 mth old grand-daughter, and she spent an afternoon at a party for one of her friends from nursery school at the weekend. On picking her up, we were told how the kids had been requesting music on Alexa.

Walked in on her this afternoon talking to our Alexa, requesting a "long squeaky one", before Alexa sounded a "long squeaky" farting noise (quite realistic tbf), and my grand-daughter stifling her giggles with her hand.

I was checking my emails soon after and found that she had also ordered the "Extreme Fart Expansion pack" on my Alexa, at a cost of £1.60, inc VAT.

Jeez, 2 yrs old.

Worryingly, this is a sign of things to come.

 

That’s so sweet. She wanted it to make sounds like Grandad.

 

Pushchairs and travel systems. I could buy a small car for the cost of one!

 

The fact that "Travel system" is a thing. It's just a marketing term to persuade people to buy expensive **** for their kids to sit on.

 

The office kettle and any other receptacle designed for pouring liquid that is only able to deliver a dribble or a deluge that spills all over the counter top.

Spouts are not rocket science, they've been used since at least the Roman times if not before.

 

Not really - ye olden days the list of things required was extensive: pram, pushchair, buggy and car seat. Today they're "...all in one..." systems - and for something that will be in continual usage for at least 24 months you really want bang for buck for safety and durability. I draw the line at matching luggage though.

FWIW the "MacLaren" behind the original buggy designed the Spitfire's landing gear...

 

We've at least gone middle for diddle! No £1500 systems but somewhere in between that and the £100 Asda versions!

 

I think that after the first few months of them being really little babies, sleeping all the time and needing to be transferred from the car to a pushchair without being disturbed, we started to realise that a buggy was as good as anything, being much more portable, not taking up a whole range rover sized boot and not needing us to book half a restaurant if we took the baby with us for lunch.

 

Unruly children (or adults for that matter) in restaurants.

 

We've gone for one where the car seat has an isofix base so can be lifted in and out more easily and fits on to the buggy frame so we don't need to transfer him to the pushchair if he's already sleeping.

A little more but as it'll be my wife doing most of the moving about during the day when I'm at work it needs to be easier for her.

I refused to get a status symbol big brand name though!

As an aside, I also found out some of them are only tested to 30mph! I mean, surely it should be standard that they all must be tested to 70mph?!

 

How ******* fast are you pushing it?

 

Adobe subscriptions. ****s. Absolute ****s.

 

We got a buggy called Upper Baby vista, you can put the car seat on it as well if you so wish. It's ok but massive and as moog mentions a boot filler. We've been away a couple of times last year and can't take this large monstrosity with us, so brought a smaller Silver Cross stroller to take abroad in the plane hold. I actually quite like it, and on our latest return tried to keep it in the boot of the car and not reinstate the Upper Baby. Unfortunately, my wife got wise to what I was up to and demanded the baby equivalent of a chelsea tractor was returned to the boot of the car, thus taking all the space once more.

I hope Clive doesn't read this, as he won't think much of me.

 

Will definitely look into the smaller travel options in a couple of months time as we want to plan a couple of trips once littlun arrives.

Is our first so we're making it up as we go along!!!

 

I'm on lightroom 3.6 still.

 

I'm sure anyone and Clive will think the world of you no matter how much consumerism you indulge in if you are currently brewing a monstrous turd for Sunday afternoon's match.

 

Eldest son will be 20 soon and my daughter 18 so it's been a while BUT the then missus had to have an Italian "system" (Bambino?) for my daughter that I think was just shy of £700 (bought in Lithuania) which comprised a light-weight buggy frame, a push-chair seat, a crib/car seat (with a frame for the car and a stand plate (for my son) - all in some very strong, reinforced moulded polymer (with non-ferrous metal fittings) with two sets of mattresses/cushions (capable of being boil washed) , a bespoke flyscreen and a bespoke water cover. It survived two years of post-Soviet street and pavements in Winter temperatures of -30 oC (the custom was for babies to be placed on the balconies to nap during the winter) and Summer temps of 30 oC. The buggy frame underwent numerous 'careful stowage' by airport/railway workers and it just made life easy - especially its mass having to carry it up three floors of stairs to our flat.

It was so revolutionary compared to my experience with no 1 son's multiple prams/pushchair and buggy, that when 5 years later when we were back in the UK and son number two came along I had no problems going into Mama and Papas in Watford and trying to get as close to what we had in Lithuania - this time it was French, not quite as good/durable as the Italian one and just short of £800.

 

Lightweight buggy that hooks over the arm, takes 3 seconds to put up or put down, takes up no room in the car, easily lasts year, then replace when outgrown.

£30.

I was back home with my feet up after picking them up from school whilst others are still at the school gate strapping their kids into their credit card bought supa-doopa "travel system" that cost 4 months grocery bill.

Mugs.

 

I'm in this camp. Never understood why anyone spends over £100 on a pram. The only exception I would make is a decent running pram/buggy. A mate has one designed for running and it is an absolute breeze to push around black park park run.

 

As much as I liked the '£800 system' (the bart/buggy git easily folded up to nothing) the best buy for the kids was the bike trailer/running pram. It was quite a rugged thing (took two 6 YO's comfortably), folded flat and had a brake/3rd wheel attachment (and three attachments so it could be easily hitched to everyone's bikes). It used for 'years' as a cart to carry the massive amount of crap necessary things for picnics and/or days at the beach. I think it was around £50 and I recommended to everyone - except they upgraded the model to have sprung/hydraulic suspension which sand got into and knackered.

 

Sitting on a warm toilet seat.

 

When our daughter was born we went mid/lower range and it was ok but a bit flimsy.

When she was 9 months old we were off to a German Christmas market so we went to an NCT nearly new sale and bought a knackered old buggy for a tenner with a view to trashing it on the cobbled streets and then bin it. It turns out the knackered, tatty old thing was absolutely indestructible. It has done holidays all over Europe with us, chucked into boots and on aeroplanes and it just won't break. It is in the loft ready for me to pass on to my sister when she has kids.

 

Agreed. Awful.

 

Warm seat with paper barrier put down, or very cold seat ??

 

Cold. Every time.

Paper barriers are for weirdos. If there's something nasty on the seat (or no seat) you hover.

 

Always paper....always....don't want my beautiful pristine ar$e pressing against a seat that had someone elses spotty sweaty ar$e on it 30 mins ago.
And given it's paper everytime, I prefer a nice warm seat with the security of a sheet of loo paper.
Hovering for a #2 ? You are gymnast. No chance with my dodgy back !

 

Rude families in cinemas.

Went to see Star Wars on Wednesday. Family is there with their ~5 children, the oldest of which could have been no more than 8. The showing started at 7pm so the alarm bells started early.

Kids predictably disrupt the experience: talking, running back to parents, looking at phones (what bloody 4 year old needs a sodding mobile phone?). Parents block half the screen from sitting bolt upright for half the film due to a combination of stuffing their faces and dealing with their unruly spawn. By "dealing" I mean giving food to them rather than disciplining them, of course.

Simply maddening.

Plus it was a pretty crap film on top of everything else.

 

It was Star Wars, what did you expect?

 

Last time I went to the cinema was about a year ago because of **** like this. Became unbearable. People treating the place like it's their own living room. To chat, to eat like animals, chuck their **** around and allow kids to f*ck about.

Everyman Cinema is just about bearable if you get lucky with seats. Couldn't imagine going to a Vue or Cineworld anymore.

 

We went to Avengers End Game and had 2 ~12yo kids next to us with no parents. The one next to my wife must have had some kind of ADHD as spent the first 90 minutes fidgeting massively and hammering his feet up and down non stop. My wife eventually asked him to sit still and he did for most of the rest of the film.

We then left the cinema and proceeded to get evil looks from him, his mate and a few other kids that had joined them outside.

Northern little s**ts.

 

It's grim up north.

 

People going to watch kid movies as adults, being annoyed about kids being there.

 

It's what annoys me about theme parks like Disney World.

They'd be great fun if it wasn't for the kids.

 

I second that having gone to Florida last year. They’re all horrible. If I was being a little **** in public and getting in peoples’ way I’d get a smack round the back of the head, and my mums soft as owt!

They bring out the absolute worst in parents though, especially at theme parks and attractions.