Things you hate III

One of the most infuriating Americanisms that exists.

 

It's OK though. Americans trying to sound avant-garde say rubbish bin not trash can.

 

People in shops taking hours to give correct money in change for their shopping,..... Does it help the shopkeeper, no, they've got loads, all it does is create a queue of people behind that well meaning person but whose actions doesn't help anyone

 

Bog roll, has got to be facing so it goes over the top.

The other way of implementation is both pointless & hateful.

 

This happened to me just yesterday, not for the first time I may add. I joined the shorter line of two and by the time she finally paid 2 or 3 customers who had not even been in the queue when I arrived had passed through the adjacent checkout line

 

This is indeed the correct way, according to the original patent:
http://uk.businessinsider.com/patent-shows-right-way-to-hang-toilet-paper-2015-3

 

My Mrs won't be pleased as I can now claim that I have always been right

 

Mrs Diamond was very similar to this when she was younger and it was slowly stopping her flying. Eventually she saw a hypnotherapist, (are they still about?), and they got to the root of the problem. Once that was discovered they worked on overcoming it and she's now good as gold.

 

Go the Bahamas by coach ?
You know what they say about the 3rd lightening strike on a plane ? No, nor do I.
My wife is the same. Loves travel, terrified of flying. She wraps herself up in her own little word once on the plane, eye mask and multiple audiobooks and unwatched i-player TV for the ipad and drowns the outside world out. Like you she knows it's irrational. I hate the pre-flight car journey, check in, shops, queuing, will i get my £10k camera equipment in the lockers etc but once i'm seated on the plane, that's it I can properly relax and catch up on lost sleep. She loves the pre-flight shopping, doesn't care about the admin of getting there, but hates the flight.

 

Like you, I don't mind the flight, it's the airport terminal I hate. Once the thing is taxiing out and taking off I'm fine.

 

I dislike flying, not because I'm afraid but because I can't afford First Class and economy is as comfortable and enjoyable as the equivalent journey time in a National Express coach. The three hour check-in does nothing to enhance the experience.

 

I'm an accountant so i love this. I love walking through the 1st class seats to my economy seat thinking, I'm getting on the same plane as you, taking off the same time, landing the same time as you ....now, how am i going to spend the extra £3k I've just saved ? Mrs TuT used to ask whether we could pay the extra to upgrade but has given up now. The "We could afford to pay for business class seats" was always countered by "Well we could afford to buy a Maserati, shall i get one of those too ?".

 

I hear you. My old diesel has just passed the 100K mark yet still gets me from A to B cheaper than almost any other car on the road. I got from Cambridge to Watford in just over an hour last night at 60mpg. The Mrs constantly asks me when I'm going to replace it and the answer is always "when it dies" or "when it's taxed off the road".

As this thread is about things you hate then apologies for bringing down the tone.

 

Ah. I was waiting for the punchline that you hate Mrs Diamond ………….

 

You should rename yourself as Zircon.

 

Not at all but her mother is another subject altogether .

 

I try not to worry about this any more as I quite proud of the fact I'm the world unluckiest man with any queues. I always know that if a join the checkout with just one or two people at least one of them will pay in change that has to be counted (and sorted due to "foreign" coins) out, will query their bill and/or produce a thick wodge of coupons each of which has to be manually checked. I'm always behind that person in the post-office who possess a Tardis for a bag judging by the quantity of items that each have to be weighed, manually checked and stamped before posting. Same in petrol stations: pull up to an occupied pump and the person(s) at the pump will need to check their oil, visual inspection of the tyres, catch up writing that novel they've always promised themselves they're going to finish... Going through customs/passport control I know I'm going to get the "spot" check. At my previous employer who was always subject to a monthly* "random" CDT**?

*Weekly.
**Telling my born-again Christian boss that I had used my undergraduate years wisely by "....spending the four years getting pissed, stoned and laid at any and every opportunity..." possibly didn't help.

 

You’re obviously not very tall.

 

6 foot 3.

 

Same as me, so how do you squash into an economy seat for more than an hour without discomfort?

 

I deliberately use "can I get" because I think "can u have" and "May I have" are equally open to interpretation

 

Whereas I appear to be the unluckiest man in the world at theaters.

I took the family to a production in London some years back, (think it was Mamma Mia), and whilst having a pre show drink noticed the 6 foot 8 inch giant. I joked to Mrs D that he was bound to be sitting right in front of me. He was!
Now if you're tall and sit perfectly still, the person behind you can work out various ways to view what's going on without too much trouble. I've had it happen so many times that I'm expert at it. Not this bloke though. Not only was a player missing from a local basketball team but he must have been practising for the world fidget championships. I gave up and hit the bar even earlier than I do at Watford games.

One show I was looking forward to was Matilda. Unfortunately a lovely feral family appeared to have won tickets right in front of us and brought along anything that was noisy to unwrap/eat and vaped/texted throughout. All they needed was the, (probable), dog and they might as well have been watching TV in their, (probably), tiny front room.

I'm with you in the queue thing as well.

However one thing I seem to get away with every time is traffic queue jumping. Now I hate this with a passion and it's usually only by making mistakes that I need to get back in the right lane, but I always seem to find a "miracle" gap. Last year I was very late for a ferry and basically undertook every queue and found a perfect space right before lights changed etc. This must have happened 5 or 6 times to the point I actually became confident in doing it. I made the ferry but knew I'd be made to suffer in other ways eventually. Ying & yang.

 

I'm honestly not playing a game of "Elevenerife" but there are two reasons why I only ever buy seats in the gods for the opera:

1. I'm a really cheap *******.
2. I always seem to sit behind a group of basketball players with tourettes whenever I used to get "decent" seats.

 

Watford fans going to the opera; whatever next?
Which reminds me: at away games why am I always directly in front of the bloke who is tone deaf but joins in with all the songs anyway?

 

Oh don't get me started on airline seats! I'm 6' 5" cannot physically fit in most economy seats and can't afford business. If I try to book the emergency exit seats (next to the stinking loos) online I get charged extra, which for long haul can be £100+ each way. If I turn up at the airport really early, I sometimes get a seat there if I stand up to my full height at the check-in desk and am as polite as I can be. South African Airways insisted on charging more despite me pointing out that I didn't want 'extra' leg room for comfort, I needed 'sufficient' leg room which normal seats don't give. Won't be flying SAA again!

To me, it's quite simple. They save those seats for accidental freaks of nature like me for when we turn up at the airport so they can see who is tall or not, rather than give/sell them to people who are clearly short.

btw. Eating airline food with a knife & fork sitting next to another tall bloke is always a fun challenge, trying to avoid jabbing each other in the face with our elbows!

 

Oh there's plenty of discomfort but 30 mins in I'm still smiling at the money I've saved safe in the knowledge that my camera stuff is safely stowed, and I drift off to the land of nod.

 

Indiana Jones references

 

Interesting that you say that Mrs TuT is less keen on this strategy.

Mrs Keighley refuses to fly below premium economy long haul. Whereas I cheerfully - well, within reason - flew 24 hours to Auckland in cattle class last year.

I don’t have the height problem, mind.

I presume @RookeryDad always flies business.

 

I saw Il Trovatore at the Sydney Opera House in 2004.

I generally prefer Gilbert & Sullivan, though.

 

I think RD has his own jet. Not sure which seat he would choose to sit in.

 

Getting stuck behind any Honda Jazz

 

Me too, but really;

I dont like snakes, why'd it have to be snakes? I hate snakes.

 

You're "requested" to report sightings of these things.