Things you hate III

Well I just sat on one of my ******** as I went for a dump. That's worse than anything I've ever hated.

 

One of your what?

 

Plums

 

Totally agree moog they are crap.

 

Blimey, how big are they?

 

Placing the ball 1mm outside the quadrant on a corner kick so that the linesman has to intervene and insist the player rolls it back to where it's legal.

1mm closer towards the goal does not make a difference. It does not make the corner more dangerous. In fact, considering how many are hopelessly overhit they'd do better to move the ball back about 20 metres.

All this little pantomime does, with moving the ball backwards and forwards a picometre and the linesman and player arguing over whether the ball's now just grazing the outside edge of the white line is to waste bloody time.

Get on with the game.

 

But the opposing player becomes a pantomime villain, which is always good fun.

 

BBC newswatch. On the face of it the chance for viewers to write in and complain about how the BBC have screwed up in their news reporting. In practice just an opportunity for a smarmy BBC middle-manager to get interviewed on TV and tell said viewers that it's far too complicated for them to understand, they are wrong, and the BBC got it spot on (once again).

 

Cheese puns.

 

Which puns are your favourites? Bakery ones? I’m sure we can oblige.

 

Videos, especially on social media which are just text on cards or slides. The medium of video isn't required for me to read stuff.

For some reason there are a proliferation of god bod ones where some mid western wife or West African devotee shows pieces of paper with inspiring words of the Lord on.

The other are some apocryphal story about a homeless man or some other tale, with slides of text and awful music.

If it's writing, write it all down and ill read it at my own speed and skip out the boring bits.

 

Tell us more.

 

"Wellbeing"

Not actual wellbeing. But the idea which seems to be the must-do activity for bosses and companies everywhere at the moment. Basically it seems to involve them signing up to some outsourced provider's suite of nonsense self-help guides and some sort of remote counselling line. Maybe an e-learning webinar on mindfulness or some other crap. Throw in a friendly ghost-written endorsement from the top boss - it works best with a jaunty tale about how they once got over a stressful week at work with a fortnight in the Caribbean - and the seem to think they've hit all the key things.

It's stupid and pays lip service to the actual issues behind it. Anyway, my wellbeing would improve if they paid me my share of the money they're dropping on this ********.

 

Just an attempt to minimise the risk of staff taking stress related leave and claiming constructive unfair dismissal That's all its there for.

 

Similar, but I hate line management. Being in charge of people is a pain in the arse. I dread the phrase "can I have a quick word?" - it's usually never quick and it's a lot of words about some trivial office politics, where X didn't include Y in the tea round.

 

We have private health care at work (though it's public sector - never worked out that one) and you used to be able to claim £250 worth of counselling per year - arrange your own with a registered counsellor and claim it back. A good idea and I used it several times.

Last year they changed it to a much heralded new service where you ring a phone line instead. Never speak to the same person twice, just a faceless voice who you have to explain everything to from the start each time. Didn't even bother and paid out of my own pocket.

 

Did you get very far ?
Does he have a car ?

 

Good point - Tea rounds !
There are 10 staff in the tea round here.
Who drinks 10 cups a day ?
Who remembers 10 choice of drink ?
Who remembers whose mug is whose ?
Who keeps track of all this ?
I have always boycotted these and do so here. They think it's "nice" to still offer me a cup and get upset when I tell them to stop wasting my and their time by asking me. I want one cup in the morning, one in the afternoon and I'll make one JUST FOR ME WHEN I WANT ONE not when Ethel from purchase ledger decides to make a round.

 

Yeah I hear you. I got out of this nonsense years ago. If I want a cuppa I'll go make my own. I don't make it for anyone else, nobody makes it for me. Easy.
Coffee is a different matter. Our canteen has a decent machine that the counter staff use that makes a really nice cup at low prices. If someone has done me a favour then buying them one is a nice way to say thank you, and vica versa. It's also the best time to get any office gossip!

 

I work in sales, so I will share my cocaine with one of my team who has closed the most deals and indulge in a coke fuelled tirade at anyone who hasn't hit their KPIs. It's just like the coffee/tea thing.

 

Much better in the old days when we had a tea lady

 

You and Kelso ought to go on a whisky and coke bender.

 

I have a hip problem and have seen 14 healthcare professionals so far in 15 appointments. Halfway through there was regime change and the NHS outsourced it. Now appointments have to be booked by phone and I have to tell part of the story each time (but to be fair, I've had a lot of practice telling the full story, which I now read out from a cribsheet with names and dates). The one person I've seen twice was once before and once after regime change

 

One of your production meetings was caught on camera, Moog

 

Eerily accurate

 

You sell Apricot Jam? I hate apricots.

 

From a "closed" facebook group that I've just been Banned from (for a week) someone was hawking, for an exceptionally reasonable price I'm sure, their latest miracle training bollox. I helpfully posted their disclaimer:

With something I c&p'ed from wiki:

 

Self proclaimed marketing experts and sales women who have a business in protein juices or booster tablets, their facebook profiles littered with images of them in bikinis and living it up at flashy parties in hot places. They must be successful somehow but it irks that they seemingly didnt really have to work for it.

Also mothers who setup their business in dog collars or bought a chic design shop etc. No love, you're only successful because you already had wealth or priviledge to be able to do that. Other women have to work a normal job. You're only doing it because you're too bored looking after those pesky kids you shot out your fanny.