Michael Macintyre in Mugging Horror

Discussion in 'Taylor's Tittle-Tattle - General Banter' started by Clive_ofthe_Kremlin, Jun 5, 2018.

  1. The undeniable truth

    The undeniable truth First Team Captain

    I believe he also stumbles and mispronounces "moccasin" 5 times before blurting something incoherant which leaves the room in absolute hysterics before he even gets as far as his punchline.
     
  2. Beekayess

    Beekayess Reservist

    I think Michael Macintyre's sketch about the Man Drawer is funny.
     
    HappyHornet24 and zztop like this.
  3. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    It's "shitting on a glass coffee table in moccasin slippers."
     
    HappyHornet24 and RookeryDad like this.
  4. The undeniable truth

    The undeniable truth First Team Captain

    It can't be. Its a Michael MacIntyre sketch.
     
  5. Burnsy

    Burnsy First Team

    To be fair, if you got Amazon to do some repairs around your house, I’ve little sympathy for your poor experience.
     
    Diamond likes this.
  6. Lloyd

    Lloyd Squad Player

    Is that the best you/he can come up with??!! GUILTY!!!!!
     
    Jumbolina likes this.
  7. Jossy

    Jossy Reservist

    [​IMG]
     
  8. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    Because he’s doing twice the building work as you?
     
  9. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    The chauffeur pushes the barra & himself follows in the sedan chair.
     
  10. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    How has he gleaned £38m?

    £19m per joke & I am being hugely generous.
     
    Bwood_Horn likes this.
  11. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    The last bastion against the tyrant.
     
  12. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    With advances in AI, this will become an everyday dilemma.

    ‘We’ve got a second Paul Merson here. Wean or slaughter?’
     
  13. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    I hope Diamond wasn’t too apprehensive about carrying that massive receipt around W Herts.

    Makes my palms sweat just to think of it.
     
  14. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    Never shat in one & then stayed.
     
  15. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    Optimist or fantasist?
     
  16. Burnsy

    Burnsy First Team

    Rookie.
     
  17. The undeniable truth

    The undeniable truth First Team Captain

    "Rookie dad" ?
     
    RookeryDad likes this.
  18. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

    I am a big fan of an extremely talented Lithuanian musician called Vytautas Kernagis. In a response to the Brezhnev crack-downs in the early 1980's Soviet Union he staged, what we would call a "Musical Review" called "Kabaretas Tarp Girnų" (Cabaret: Between the Millstones). This was filmed, shown at the cinema & TV (few recordings have survived) and released on record. Here, with a traditional Litho folk band he sung a number of songs such as:

    "Naujas Ukio maza" (New Agricultural Truck) where he sings of the joy of driving his new wagon at top speed to and from the collective farm with a full load of beetroots.

    "Saugok jusu sveikata" (Look after your health) where he sings the words from an official Soviet "Look after your health" leaflet as a man slowly dying.

    "Kolarado vabalas" (Colorado potato beetle) how they should all work together to destroy the foreign invaders who are going to destroy their homeland.

    "Nieko daina" (The Nothing Song) whose only words are the 14 declensions of the Lithuanian adjective for nothing.

    And my personal favourite, "Jamaika" where he sings that he doesn't need to ever visit the "paradise" of Jamaica because he's got it all as a plumber in Ukmerge (think Luton):

     
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  19. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

  20. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    If he's amassed £38m from his comedy, I would presume he amuses a lot of people.

    Extremely unlikely that a small group of, say, half a dozen followers would lead to such a fortune.

    Unless it's a tax evasion scam, like the investment in woodland one a few years ago.

    'You've invested in a Scottish forest, now put your money into this plank & save even more.'
     
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  21. zztop

    zztop Eurovision Winner 2015

    I think any comic that speaks with a plummy voice will tend to get poor reviews on here. It seems that being a bit overweight is another reason to hate him.
     
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  22. Burnsy

    Burnsy First Team

    To be fair, each type of comedy is an acquired taste. I find Jim Jeffries brilliant along with a few just like him. Others find McIntyre funny but it’s rare you’ll find someone who likes both.

    Mrs Browns Boys or Citizen Khan though. I’m yet to find any of these supposed millions who tune in to watch that.
     
    HappyHornet24 likes this.
  23. Keighley

    Keighley First Team

    Miles Jupp fulfils both criteria and he is funny. Steven Fry too, at least back in the day. Terry Jones?
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2018
    wfcmoog likes this.
  24. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

    Oh dear, the poor oppressed middle classes contd page 9799...

    I have actually been known to laugh at the odd MM routine. He’s no Bill Hicks, but pleasant enough.

    However, making me laugh isn’t a justification for him dripping in wealth anymore than one of our squad ‘needs’ a Bentley.
     
  25. RookeryDad

    RookeryDad Squad Player

    I hope, Moose, on occasion, your fellow posters have made you laugh &, personally speaking, I have yet to receive a groat.

    Mods, any chance of turning Likes into hard cash?
     
  26. Whippendell Woods

    Whippendell Woods Squad Player

    In nicer motors, like top line Mercedes and BMWs (and this Range Rover) the side windows aren't toughened glass. They are double glazed and/or laminated to reduce exterior noise.
     
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  27. Whippendell Woods

    Whippendell Woods Squad Player

    This is the link to the Alex Merkel robbery in Hampstead, around the corner from where MM (not Malky Mackay) lives.
    https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/476404/Watford-star-Alexander-Merkel-robbed-by-moped-gang

    As does Seb Prodl and an awful lot of our squad. And Arsenals.

    Do they too deserve to be robbed by wannabe drug dealing gangster scum in NW3? For being flash?

    Do **** off if you think so!

    I'm no fan of Michael Mcintyre's shouty humour but the guy is simply being a family man in the area he's lived in all his life.

    Years ago, Patrick Blondeau (who was renting a house in the same road off Hampsetead High Street that Ricky Gervais lives in now, was followed home from training and some scum tried to snatch his Merc 4x4 keys on his doorstep. Was Blondeau, for all his defensive faults asking for it? Driving the wrong car? I'm saddened so many of you think so.

    FWIW, Blondeau nutted the thief, and the robber got nicked. Probably the best thing he did whilst at WFC.

    Anyway, Rolexes.

    I wear one. Never take it off. So what? I'm not flash just a bloke who's worked hard (ish) and saved for a few decent things.

    Mines a 2007 Sea Dweller. My missus bought it as a Xmas present when I was going to buy one for myself anyway with savings. As that watch now has massive sentimental value I'd have a right go at anyone trying to rob me of it. I certainly wouldn't meekly hand it over.

    It cost £3k new and has shot up in value since. Doubled in value. To replace it for a new one would be three times a much (£9k) which I now couldn't afford to do.

    How many things have you bought, except houses, that increase in value? Most watches depreciate enormously - Rolex and Patek Philipe don't.

    MM's Rolex was a very hard to get, unflash stainless steel black face Daytona, at least 5 years old, probably ten or more. Maybe a gift too?

    As MacIntyre grew up in Hampstead and Highgate as his mum and dad were in showbiz and then minted and well connected. His wife's family too. In fact his famous actor father in law, Simon Ward, was brutally attacked in Camden Town and had his skull caved in some years ago. He was never the same and died from the after effects of that attack (robbery) in 2012.

    MM's dad shot himself when MM was 17.

    BTW MM went to Merchant Taylors School as his family could afford to send him there - as do an awful lot of Watford fans. Do you all hate them too?

    And Gino's kids go to Eton. Bloody good luck to them.

    Having had all the family grief and history, and being worth a fortune, can I blame MM for handing over his watch to prevent his own 10 year old son from being attacked or traumatised?

    No.

    Was he asking for it? Absolutely not.

    If one of our foreign stars or even Troy gets attacked in London by one of these scum scooter slags and decides to leave our club and play somewhere safer, how would you feel then? The scum need sorting, not sympathy.

    BTW, Troy Deeney drives his son to private schools like MM in a Range Rover, and wears a Rolex Daytona worth three times as much as MM as its a flash gold one but does so because it gifted to him by Gino for the 3 x 20 plus goal seasons he had at Watford.

    How would you feel about him being robbed? Is he "asking for it?"

    London's growing crime problems need sorting out, the cowardly scum doing this need sorting out and fast.

    Some here need to have a look at themselves and their petty jealousies.
     
  28. Burnsy

    Burnsy First Team

    Liked for most of the content but mainly for the term ‘scum scooter slags’.
     
    wfcmoog likes this.
  29. a19tgg

    a19tgg First Team

    Couldn’t agree more. Of course there are sadly people in this country and this world that are extemely poor, and spending £15k on a watch May seem obscene to most, but he’s good at what he does (I’m not a fan, but clearly many are) and he makes a lot of people happy. He has pot loads of cash so £15k on a Rolex is nothing to him. Why should he have to evaluate every purchase he makes on the basis that a lot of people wouldn’t be able to afford it?

    The facts are he is an extremely wealthy person, so when buying things like watches and cars he isn’t going to be thinking about it from the point of view of somebody who earns minimum wage is he? His frame of reference when it comes to money will be completely different. Someone mentioned not spending more than £200 on a watch, well £15k to him is like £200 to most of us.

    I wouldn’t class myself as wealthy but I’d say I earn a half decent wage. Like many this has grown over the years and my perception of money has changed with it. Day to day I don’t really look at receipts or think about what I’m spending much anymore. I wouldn’t think twice about buying a few £15-£20 bottles of wine, whereas maybe 5 years ago I couldn’t contemplate how anybody could justify spending more than a tenner on one.

    The sad fact here is that we have gangs going round robbing people of their possessions in broad daylight. Nobody deserves that, he certainly wasn’t asking for it. I’m quite easy going and don’t worry too much about possessions, if I was mugged like MM I wouldn’t be worried about what they’d taken, the issue would be the emotional trauma of being mugged, which can’t be prevented by having a big bank balance.

    The only caveat to what I’ve said above and will concede was “asking for it” was when Kim K got mugged in Paris. IIRC her ring or something was worth around $12m.
     
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  30. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

    A bit of an overreaction. Has anyone really put forward the view that it is ok to rob?

    A flash celebrity simply won’t get the sympathy others will. The more people demand he should the less likely it is.

    Moped robbers are becoming an absolute scourge. They are often extremely and gratuitously violent as many delivery drivers in East London will testify.
     
  31. Jumbolina

    Jumbolina First Team

    All of your posts are “l’m against robbery but.........”. We can see through you and it’s a dark and bitter soul that we find.
     
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  32. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

    You are a bit of an hysteric at times.

    And it’s a bit rich coming from you. I’ve spent my career helping other people. You’ve spent yours gathering trinkets.

    So be a love and maybe take a critical look inwards if the ‘soul’ is your concern.
     
  33. Clive_ofthe_Kremlin

    Clive_ofthe_Kremlin Squad Player

    You see, this is why I like these forums. It's a fascinating chance to see how different people live. What their beliefs and values are. Whip thinks a £5000 pound watch is fairly unremarkable and that a £15000 one is 'unflash'. From our perspective, where spending each pound and even pennies is a calculation, to make sure there's enough to pay the rent and the bills, it is very different. You are in a world where it seems the values of things are mentally weighed up with the decimal point moved several places from our own!

    As I said, these boards give a chance for the big man and the little man to converse. Normally, unfortunately, the conversation is only one way and is usually just orders. But even Cif, chilled in the afternoon sunshine, observed today that not all rich people are bad. Some of them you can talk to. It's a fact.

    By coincidence, I myself received a watch as a gift from ever-loving Cif for the Xmas just past. As you'd expect, it is more humble one, but still very good. It is a Citizen Quartz one that doesn't need batteries. She got it from Argos via the credit union and still has a couple of payments to do on it. I haven't looked to see how much it cost, because it was a gift, but for us it was hideously and tremendously expensive. A marvel on a different scale from our usual level of spending. I was guilty that she'd spent so much, but my old watch had broken the strap some time ago and since I don't use a mobile phone, I had to carry it around in my pocket to tell the time, like a victorian.

    I look after it very well and make sure to take it off before the shower etc, even though it it supposed to be waterproof. I suppose we are exactly alike in that the gift of the watch was made with the same affection, only on a very different scale.

    I do not know what my Citizen watch is worth if I were to sell it, nor if it is going up in value or down in value. It has a value on its own to me, which is not money. In your world however, you know very precisely the APR yield of the 'investment'. That is where we have our big difference. Not everything for us has a price sticker on it.
     
  34. Whippendell Woods

    Whippendell Woods Squad Player

    Ah, Clive, wise choice by your lady to buy a Citizen watch.

    They are very, very well engineered. Easy to read. They keep time much better than a mechanical Rolex and don't need a £600 periodic Rolex service. Mine always runs fast but the upside is I never am late for kick off at The Vic, or the away coaches (how very working class of me) because of it :)

    I know you're a WUM, but you have little idea what my world, my work is, has been, or my family background?

    I'm comfortable with it all thanks.

    FWIW, I'm slap bang in the centre of the Political Compass. (try it here https://politicalcompass.org/test )

    I've a lot of history and friends still across the wealth and political classes in Camden, hence my knowledge of MM and the scum that robbed him.
     
  35. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Alex Horne is very funny and an ex public school boy.

    Adam Buxton was at Westminster School and he makes me laugh with an eyebrow raise.
     

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