Genuinely I think Mr Fry takes the crown this year Katie Hopkins and Piers Morgan visit Oxford and speak to the Reverent Spooner about the repair and maintenance of the city’s traditional water craft that’s - Care of Punts - coming soon
Saw this "cracker" in the overrated food and drink thread earlier: http://wfcforums.com/index.php?threads/overrated-food-drink.56456/page-2#post-2799129
Policeman: "sir! It looks like your wife's been hit by a bus!" Man: "I know, but she's great with the kids and takes it up the arse"
Roman walks into a bar and says “I’ll have a Martino”. Barman says “Do you mean Martini?” Roman: “No just one thanks”
I was gentle with my new girlfriend and said she could do missionary to start - and she ****ed off to Africa.
two ladies of the night having a discussion on a luton street corner one says to the other have you ever been picked up by the fuzz the 2nd lady replies no but i have been swung round by the t1ts
Most of these sound like Tim Vine one liners. One my personal favourites. Abinos! Can't say fairer than that.
A man goes and sees the doctor as he is suffering from chest pains. The doctor prescribes some tablets, and says you take one on Monday, skip Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip Thursday, take one on Friday and skip the weekend and repeat. A couple of weeks later the doctor sees the man's wife in the street, "How is your husband getting on?" "He's dead, he had a massive heart attack", she replies. "Those tablets I prescribed should have prevented that." "The pills were fine, doctor. It was all that skipping that killed him!"
I've been to see him three times and everyone was a waste of money as I (and the audience) were laughing so hard/loud that we couldn't hear many of his gags. I actually thought the 'punageddon' he uses to close his act was actually going to kill some of his paying fans...
Sure I've told this before on here but it always makes me chuckle: A doctor is examining a patient. Doctor: I'm sorry sir, you've got to stop masturbating. Patient: Why's that doctor? Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you.
Welshman spots eskimo on the side of the road and he is trying to get help with his car. Welsham pops the hood, looks at the engine and says "You've blown a seal." Eskimo replies back "So what, you bugger sheep."
Doctor finishes examining a man with a severe case of excess wind. "Oh dear" say the doc, "That is bad, but I think I've got something that can help" as he goes to the cupboard and gets out this big long pole with a nasty looking hook on the end. The man says in horror, "Blimey doc, what are going to do with that?" "I'm gonna open the windows!"
Today's broadcast of ISIHAC - the first 'game' of 'One song to a tune of another' just got funnier and better and better as it went on (two of them were featured in R4's Pick of the Week).
